Have you heard of PDA? It's not necessarily what you think ...

Have you felt that demands just make you freeze, shut down, panic? Do you ever get a pit in your stomach when faced with what seems like a simple demand (maybe to other people, not a demand at all) .

Demands can be as simple as brushing your teeth. Why does it feel harder for you... to just do.

Or is your child "difficult"? "Challenging"? It is such a struggle. But no one has answers? Oppositional Defiant Disorder sounds right and also wrong. You know your child is suffering and doesn't want to be this way. Is it autism, anxiety or ADHD? All three?Everything is hard. Your own emotional regulation and distress tolerance have been destroyed by the constant chaos and stress.

Labels aren't really the answer but they can point us in a direction of how to help our children and ourselves. To suffer less and start to heal.

So what is PDA? Well it's not the public display of affection one, which yes - feels a bit ironic here.

PDA stands for Pathological Demond Avoidance. Now also referred to as pervasive demand for autonomy.

PDA is recognized in the UK and just starting to take hold in the United States, but not yet in the DSM.

So much need for control and autonomy - such extreme anxiety—that any demand can cause panic and meltdown.

PDA is based in a very sensitive nervous system and extreme anxiety and inflexibility.

Giving up control is terrifying.

Learning more about PDA can be very helpful in learning how to approach parenting a child with this profile. Shifting your perspective from one of anger/frustration and grief to one of understanding and collaboration. You CAN have a peaceful home. Things CAN get better. It is not your fault and it is not your child's choice. Parenting with more understanding and with this perspective can be a game changer.

Understanding PDA can also help you navigate your own struggles. Imagine there is hope and a way to help yourself overcome the intense anxiety that arises when you feel a demand or imposition - threaten your sense of control and well being. Or even better, to move through it. To forge your path so the anxiety parts ways and you can regain your freedom to live the life you want to live.

If you want to know more, or think this sounds like you or someone you know, please

or go to the resources section where I will post links to PDA resources.